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Local Man Totally Sure He’ll Wake Up Early Enough To Finally Finish Off & Send In That Important Thing

Displaying an uncharacteristic level of calmness and collectedness, local man Procras Tinator proudly told our intrepid reporters of his utmost confidence that he would be completely ready at the crack of dawn to meet the deadline of that thing he had been given the whole of last month to complete and submit. “I like to think of myself as pretty chill most of the time, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a hard worker - far from it,” Procras asserted last night as he watched video after video of distracting content unabated, the text document sitting a single click away still just as empty as when he had opened it the week before. “It’s just that I’ve been so busy these past few days, what with travelling cross-country with the family, going on gorgeous mountain hikes, and the like that I haven’t had the time to work on that one thing,” he continued, having since moved on to playing the latest hit mobile game while listening to a podcast about underwater basket-weaving, “but no more! I’ll get up nice and early tomorrow morning, well-rested and energised from a good night’s sleep, and set aside an hour or so to really focus and get this thing done and dusted.” Following this bold proclamation, Procras asked our crew to leave his apartment so that he could "turn in for the night", all the while listening to his favourite playlist and debating trivial issues with complete strangers on at least 3 separate online forums.

Unfortunately, Mr Tinator did not respond to our request for a follow-up interview this morning. In unrelated news, local supermarket managers and baristas are left searching for answers after the entire area's supply of coffee and tea suddenly and mysteriously disappeared shortly after 9 o’clock local time today. We’ll be bringing you more once I’ve - yawn - woken up a bit more. Just... five more... minutes... I promise...

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