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Congress To Auction DC As An NFT To Pay Off Foreign Debt

Following weeks of tense negotiations between America's politicians regarding avenues of action on the nation's mounting foreign debt, Congress believes it has finally reached a consensus; listing the entirety of DC, its people and infrastructure included, as an NFT in order to raise funds to foot the bill. "We understand that this decision may not enjoy the full support of the public," spoke Virginia governor Ralph Northam at a press conference held in a yacht slowly floating down the Potomac, as crews began preparations to physically saw the district away from the land around it, "but desperate times call for desperate measures, and the way we see it, we'll be getting a hell of a lot of money for giving away what's essentially worthless." Naturally, opinions surrounding the issue are fiercely divided, and even more so in the NF-To-Be as its residents are split on the values of being commodified and exchanged just to change one number to another. "Why the hell does this even need discussion?! Surely there's another way to pay the debt off, other than getting into this... this moronic blockchain nonsense!" opined local loon Sanny Tee, in the midst of being stuffed into a straightjacket and wheeled away. "I like duh en-eff-tee, 'cuz duh green nummer go up, yaaaaay!" retorted NTF aficionado Voltr Ottel, before sending his crypto wallet key to an incredibly reputable Nigerian prince promising a tenfold return on investment. Though some vocal opponents of the measure questioned where next Congress would convene, if the district of nearly 700 thousand and the nation's most recognisable landmarks were to be pawned off for some quick cash, a wayward suggestion coming from under one of the janitors' breath offered a novel solution which ultimately satisfied both sides; from now on, US Representatives will all get on the same wooden raft and paddle out into the Atlantic Ocean, with no provisions or outside contact, so that they have all the space they could ever need to manifest their flawless policy proposals through mental energy alone.


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