Massive Radiation Leak Poses No Threat To Public Health, Assures Rapidly-Growing Pile Of Tumours
01/11/2020
All eyes have been cast upon Marvin Mormont, CEO of Nuka-Storage LLC, a hazardous waste disposal company based in southwestern Idaho, following a well-publicised incident last month in which one of its largest storage facilities underwent a catastrophic failure, resulting in untold millions of tonnes of both radioactive and biological waste being released into the immediate environment, most notably the Boise River, which leads directly through 3 major towns before opening into the nearby Snake River. However, today Mr Mormont has appeared publicly at a press conference, shunning his usual garb of a suit and tie for a writhing, discoloured mass of tumours which seemed to steadily increase in volume every minute or so. "I understand that many people are concerned about the ecological and economical effects of the relatively small breach at our Boise facility", the mound said, a different voice enunciating each word, none of which were Mr Mormont's, "but let me be perfectly clear; the discharge from the incident has had little to no actual impact on the health and well-being of the Idahoan peoples. May I remind you that this time of year, Face-Melting-Into-Irradiated-
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